Cedric’s Root Beer Stand

From January 22, 1946.

Cedric: Mister Abner! Mister Abner!

Squire Skimp: Be with ya in a minute, Cedric.

Cedric: Oh. Thought you was Mister Abner.

Squire: What in the world have you got there, Cedric?

Cedric: Two glasses of root beer!

Squire: Root beer?!

Cedric: Huh-huh! Yes, mahm! Ice cold. Made it myself. Mama helped me. Where’s Mister Lum and Mister Abner at?

Squire: Well, Abner isn’t back from making his deliveries yet, Cedric. And Lum’s in the feed room lying down. He’s not feeling very well.

Cedric: Reckon he’d like some root beer? Home made?

Squire: No, I don’t b’lieve so, Cedric. It’s best not to bother him.

Cedric: Dog-gone it. I brung this over for him and Mister Abner to sample. See, I’m goin’ in business for myself.

Squire: Business?!

Cedric: Yes, mahm. I set up a little root beer stand out in front of our house. Ice cold root beer. Home made.

Squire: In this kind of weather?! Why, Cedric, it’s almost down to freezing!

Cedric: I know it. That’s why it’s ice cold.

Squire: Why, you won’t do a nickel’s worth of business, Cedric. Nobody puts up a cold-drink stand in the dead of winter.

Cedric: Well, that’s why I done it. No compy-tition.

Squire: Ha! Ha! Ha! I see!

Cedric: I figgered that out all by myself. And Papa’s proud of me for doin’ it.

Squire: I’m not surprised.

Cedric: He said I was gettin’ to be more of a dunderhead ever’ day. Mister Squire, what is a dunderhead?

Squire: Why… well, it’s… uh… whatever you think it is, Cedric, my boy.

Cedric: That’s what I thought! Boy!!

Cedric Wolfgang Weehunt

This is Cedric, Kalup Weehunt’s first born. Whilst he’s a leetle shy on the book larnin on acct. of not bein jist right in the head ever since he was kicked in the head by a mule when he was a kid of a boy growin up, they aint no better liked boy nowhar than Cedric is. He’ll do anything you tell him to, the only trouble bein you got to tell him when to stop. Cedric stands better’n six feet in his bar foots and is as stout as home-made terbacker, some claimin he dont know his own strenth. They’re allus joshin or playin some sort of a prank on him but he aint never been knowed to git at outs at anybody over it. He peered to git jist a leelte aggervated one time when he was shoein a onruly mule down at the blacksmith shop and after the mule had kicked him three times, he lost his pashunts and walked right a round and hit the critter right twixt the eyes with his bar fists and he drapped to the ground like he had fell outa a tree. Course Cedric was sorryful fer what he had did and hope the brute back to his feet. Hit were a good lesson fer both of em though fer Cedric aint hit nobody and the mule aint kicked nobody since that time.

Now Cedric aint the kind you can set down and discuss polyticks with but he can tell you in two minutes how many fence boards the biggest kind of a tree’ll make and wher you can dig your wll so’s you’ll be shore to strike water. He knows jist when to do fishin, butcher or plant any kind of crops so’s not to go backards agin the signs. They aint nobody in the cammunity that can course to the bee trees than a bee can hitsef. Knowin how to do so many things and bein willin too, he’s kep turible busy a heppin thissen and thatten all over the cammunity. He dont have much time he can call his own, but when he aint a doin fer somebody else, you’ll more’n likely find him down at the creek ketchin crawfish fer bait to ketch more crawfish with.

Yessir, hit’d be a good thing if a heap more of us was kicked by a mule when we was growin up.

From Lum and Abner and Their Friends from Pine Ridge, By Themselves